Tuesday, September 2, 2008

My house is a very very very fine house (???)

Hi everybody, long time no see :(. So sorry!!!! A lot of things have been happening over at my house lately, everything has gotten sidetracked it seems. Our septic tank stopped working so we've had to dig it up to see what the issue was. In doing so we discovered that the pipe going from our house to the septic tank wasn't even glued together when it was laid down 4 years ago and as a consequence of that it had come apart and much of our sewage has been going into the ground under our patio for the past 2 years (Ewww!!! it was an unbelievable mess) Now we have to dig up all the field lines because apparently the water that's supposed to be draining out of it isn't draining which means that it has be be pumped out every few weeks because it becomes full of water from showers, the washing machine, etc. So it's actually a two fold problem. When we bought the house 2 years ago, we got a disclosure saying that the septic tank had been replaced 4 years ago so we were thinking, well, that's awesome, a brand new septic tank. They apparently left out that they had half-assed it and took short cuts and used the wrong pipes and no sealant or anything lol. So during the two weeks we've been working on this we've not had water off and on, we couldn't flush the toilets or run the dishwasher or anything while the pipes were open. We've even had to resort to going to the woods behind our house to use the bathroom. Wow, it's been really crazy. So now the pipes are fixed but we still have a giant hole in the back of our yard because we have to get a backhoe to fill the dirt back in. And I mean giant - like 7 feet deep and 8 or 9 feet across with all the exposed plumbing in it.

Let's see what else can I relate....our dog had puppies so we've had 9 little adorable (but poopy) puppies that we've been trying to take care of through this. We've thankfully placed them all in good homes at this point (the last 2 went to their new families yesterday).

One of our little puppies

My washing machine broke the same day our septic system went south so I couldn't use it even when we've had water....I've gotten on familiar terms with our local laundrymat the last couple of weeks. I've discovered it's a very interesting place to people watch.

The thing that's probably most on my mind at the moment though is that my 17 year old daughter announced last night that she hates everybody in this house and that she's moving out. This came completely out of the blue and was totally unexpected. She'll be 18 in less than two weeks so maybe she felt it was time for her to do this and somehow felt the need to create a bunch of drama for her grand exit? She graduated from highschool last year and is going to college right now. I'm not sure what's going on with her. I actually thought she and I had a great relationship. She goes with me every Saturday to the farmer's market and helps me set up the booth to sell my photography....she seemed happy with her life. She actually left last night though. As a mom, I'm trying to look back and somehow figure out what I should have done differently so that she wouldn't feel the way she is feeling right now. I've always had this idea as my kids have gotten to be teenagers that I wanted to let them make their own decisions about what was right and wrong for them so they could develop an inner compass that would guide them into adulthood. They got grounded if they did something really out there (i.e. if the police were involved lol) but in general I've let the consequences of their actions be the teacher. When I was a teenager, my parents grounded me pretty much all the time and they had a very definite idea of who I "should" be. I resented that and said to myself that if and when I have kids, I want them to be themselves instead of some preconceived idea I might have in my mind. When the kids were little I was strict with them and taught them right from wrong and there were definite consequences for their actions but as they got to be 15, 16, 17 I wanted them to develop their own inner compass because when they got out on their own they weren't going to have someone there making all their decisions for them. Plus, my ex-husband is very controlling and tries to micro manage every move they make....I didn't want them to get that from both sides.

So my daughter at 17 pretty much had the freedom to do what she wanted. She had a curfew which she generally kept, I talked to her about things that were important like don't drink and drive and that I didn't want her to smoke, etc. To use protection if she had sex and to think highly of herself. These are the things that I wanted her to take away with her. We've completely accepted her boyfriend that she's been with for the past 3 years, we think he's a great guy and he's allowed to be here whenever she wants him here. We've really not put any restrictions on her as far as that goes. I seriously thought everything was coasting along just fine especially with her starting school a couple of weeks ago. I have no idea where any of this came from unless it's just the stress of everything the last few weeks with the water and septic tank and puppies......she left last night, I don't know if she went to her dad's or stayed with friends or what. I can't imagine she went to her dad's because he lives about an hour away and her school is here. What seems more likely is that she's going to try to get an apartment with her boyfriend. I just wish she hadn't of said so many hurtful things to everybody last night.... everybody was upset - including me and Richard and her boyfriend, she pretty much alienated everybody. And if you knew Richard and I, we both absolutely HATE drama, we avoid it at all costs. I think part of the issue right now, even though it's not been said, is that Richard asked me to marry him a few days ago. I was so very happy - we've been together 3 years now. Even though Chloe didn't say it, she seems to be having issues with it. Their dad and I divorced 8 years ago though, he remarried within a couple of weeks of the divorce. I waited a LONG time before taking that step and Richard is the most awesome guy in the world. He loves me and he loves my kids. He's made so much effort as far as Chloe is concerned and I thought things between them were solid. A lot of the mean things she said last night were directed towards him though which pretty much crushed him. I was really hurt by the things she said but I was just as hurt for Richard because she was very unfair to him. After she and her bf left last night we lay awake talking about it all trying to figure out what's been going on in her head the last few weeks that's brought things to this point. It's pretty much coming down to the things I've mentioned in this post already and her being 17 and thinking she knows it all (just like I did at 17).

What I want most for everyone around me is that they are happy, Richard, the kids, me. I just want everyone to get along and figure out what's important to them so that they can do what makes them happy. I can't be the one to figure that out for them because I'm still in the process of figuring it out for myself. I mean, I've figured out what makes me happy but how to go about creating this life that I'm striving for is a continuous process. Maybe it was easier back when people didn't get divorces and you were raised by your mom and dad in a house together and you knew what was expected of you. My children were raised in a very traditional household up until their dad and I got divorced but since then it's been blended families and step brothers and sisters (on their dad's side) and me being a single mom with them for a long time and now a step-father being brought into the mix. Even though Richard has been here and been in their lives for the past 3 years maybe him actually becoming their step-father instead of 'mom's boyfriend' seems monumental for them. Change is always hard and scary even when it's a change for the better it seems.


Mystique Island Photography said...

I'm so sorry about your daughter. hanging there! I wish I can help you but I don't know how to deal with teenagers.

btw, congrats on the proposal.

HINT Jewelry Design said...

Oh my gosh! My heart goes out to you. You really need some TLC. I understand all your frustration with the house...sometimes it feels like everything is falling apart.

Congrats on the puppies! If I lived near you, I would probably have a hard resisting the temptation to adopt one, though I don't think my cats would be on board.

I will think of you and send some peaceful thoughts your way :)

Everyday Moments said...

Thank you both - I think I'm just a confused mixture of emotions right now....I'm so happy about getting married but so sad that this has happened with Chloe. I wish sometimes that I could fast forward a few months - I'm sure everything is going to turn out fine, it's just hard to see it right now.

Sherri said...

wow jen, you do have LOTS going on right now. I truly hope that things have settled down somewhat for you. It is the hardest job in the world being a mother...

Hey I was married 20 years then divorced 10 and finally remarried a year ago to the most wonderful guy for me. Wish you happiness!!

ThePeachTree said...

I started drooling at puppies so I missed the rest of your post :) Must go back and reread. Next time, end with puppies!!

Victoria Bennett Beyer said...

Jen, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all these things at once. I'm sure all your issues will slowly resolve themselves or explain themselves. Stay strong until then, and find your strength in the good things, like your engagement.

***thinking good thoughts for you***

Stacy's Designs 88 said...

Jen, Congratulations on your engagement! Yayyyy! I'm so sorry about your daughter Chloe and all that has happened. Sometimes people release "steam" in ways we don't expect...like by lashing out. However, she probably regrets what she's said. I recall when I was her age that I would "lash" out at times as I used to feel that the only power I had came from my "voice". I always felt bad and embarrassed afterwards. Both of you are going thru a Lot of changes at the same time. Wishing you and your family all the best. It'll work out in the end.

Movi said...

nice little puppie :)